Goodness Isn't Natural
by E. Noel Preston, MD

   Legend has it the Garden of Eden was somewhere between the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers, deep in the heart of Iraq. Adam and Eve were the first humans and lived in a state of ignorant Bliss until they ate of the Tree of Knowledge, and thus knew the difference between Right and Wrong. Supposedly, this is how we learned the difference between Good and Evil and became civilized.

   As a pediatrician, I used to wonder what would happen if someone took an infant boy and an infant girl and left them all alone on an island paradise where there would be plenty of food and water and they wouldn't be in any danger from heat or cold or mosquitoes or wild animals. Perhaps when they grew up we would have a new Adam and a new Eve and human kind could get off to a fresh start, and we wouldn't have to worry about war, crime, unemployment, welfare cheaters, or swindlers on Wall Street. But then it hit me: we would just have selfish, horrible, infantile people in adult bodies. We would have 32-year-olds acting like 2-year-olds, sort of like the people who have road rage driving on I-285.

   The reason we have more road rage in the South than in the North is because there are more highway police in the North, and those boys will arrest your rosy red rear end in a New York minute if you drive up there the way you drive down here. The reason for the lower number of red light runners in some neighborhoods is not because our citizenry has suddenly become responsible drivers, but because the police have installed photo-enforcement cameras. The reason people pay income taxes is because they don't want the IRS paying them a visit. In short, most people behave not because they are good, saintly people but because "society," whatever that is, has penalties for not behaving.

   I used to tell my patients the first 18 months of a child's life are to be spent on motor development: rolling over, sitting with and eventually without support, crawling, standing, walking, and being right or left handed. The next 18 months are to be spent perfecting language development: learning two- and then three-word sentences, using "I" and "me" appropriately, and being able to speak his or her first and last names. The third 18-month period is for building social development -- learning to say "please" and "thank you," taking turns, standing in line, sharing toys, learning rules (always flush, wash your hands, buckle your seat belt) and being able to get along with other people.

   Maybe parents get tired by the time their child is three years old. Maybe there's a new baby to occupy their time and attention and they don't focus on what their older child needs. Maybe they don't want to be like their own parents were years ago and they don't make their child eat lima beans. For whatever reason, there seems to be a large number of parents who aren't teaching their kids how to behave, and that's why there are more and more so-called adults acting like 2-year-olds.

   We need to remember that some behavior isn't rude, it's simply different. I remember attending a "Cultural Sensitivity" class taught by a black lady psychologist, who said that standing in line was unnatural for black people. Instead, black people are taught to throng around the person selling tickets or soft drinks or popcorn at a movie theater and so it looks as if they are ignoring and getting in front of other people who are standing in line. Of course, the people standing in line are thinking "how rude those pushy people are," and the blacks are thinking "how rude of those unfriendly people not to join us." But both groups of people are following their own sets of learned behavior.

   Whatever the rules are, there are some occasional consequences for people who don't follow them If you arrive late at the airport, the plane will fly away without you. If you don't work, you won't get paid. If you don't return the video on time, you'll pay a late fee, and if you refuse, you won't be able to rent another one. One of the things parents are supposed to do is teach kids the rules (which by the way, are meant for protection, not for punishment): no running with scissors, no playing in the street, no pulling the cat's tail (down in Miami, a sign on one of the cages at the Parrot Jungle says "I won't bite you unless you put your fingers in my mouth). But most of the time there aren't any consequences for bad adult behavior, and that's what makes a long day longer.

   I cannot understand the popularity of the "Nanny" programs on television. Why anyone would give up an hour(!) of their time to watch rude, noisy, horrible bratty children assault and batter their parents, siblings, visitors and each other is beyond me. I have a family member who wouldn't discipline her children because she "didn't want to stifle their creativity," and they tore off the wallpaper, drew crayon pictures on the living room walls, and scratched their names on the grand piano with dinner forks. These sweetly innocent, naive, untrained ruffians made the No Neck Monsters from "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof" look like angels, and they are what Adam and Eve would have become if they hadn't eaten of the Tree of Knowledge.

   It makes no sense to be angry at a dog for knocking over a garbage can to get something to eat: that's just what dogs (or bears at Yellowstone Park) do when they're hungry. But spilled garbage draws rats and flies and other carriers of disease, and as knowledgeable human beings, we know better and that puts us ahead of the dogs and the bears.

   Doesn't it?

E. Noel Preston, M.D. is a pediatrician in solo practice in Peachtree Corners. 6063 Peachtree Parkway, Suite 202-A, Norcross. (770) 448-1553. More information can be found at www.PeachtreeCornersPediatrics.com

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