Free to be ScreamFree

   In 1970 Marlo Thomas introduced a revolutionary idea for children with her album, "Free to be You and Me." Her songs supported free choices for children like William who wanted a doll and Atalanta who loved running races. And so the trend began for parents to do whatever it took to ensure their children were free to be, do, and go wherever they wanted, regardless of the time, money, energy or compromise involved.

   In 2005, Hal Runkel of Lawrenceville introduces a revolutionary idea for parents.

   In his new book "ScreamFree Parenting: Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool," Runkel supports parents' free choice to be adults.

   In ScreamFree parenting, the parents' role is neither to micromanage their kids' lives from above nor to be slaves to their children's whims from below. 

   "The only way I can retain a position of influence on my kids is to maintain a position of control over myself," said Runkel. "I am not responsible FOR my kids. I am responsible TO them in the way I conduct myself and how I respond to them."

   "What kids need most are parents who don't need them," said Runkel, a licensed marriage and family therapist. In his book, which in Amazon sales from 350,000 to 768 after his interview on Fox5's Good Day Atlanta, he says parents must keep their cool and calmly walk alongside their children as they struggle. 
Runkel noted a TV commercial in which two children announce to their fathers that they have a major project due tomorrow. Both fathers panic as they take over the project to protect the child from a failing grade. Not cool, he said.

   "Kids need to make their own decisions and live with the consequences." For an example of good parenting he suggests seeing the movie "Ray" in which Ray Charles' mother remains calm and ScreamFree, allowing him to make his own mistakes.

   The February 21 Time magazine article, "Parents Behaving Badly" addresses this trend of parents covering up for their kids: "Kids need room to fail in order to grow; the always hovering parent gets in the way of self-reliance."

   The article supports Runkel's view that kids need space and hovering parents get in the way of their children's growth.

   "The biggest turning point in therapy is when you stop focusing on others and focus on yourself," Runkel said. "This also applies to parenting. My number one job is not to fix my kid. My kids weren't put on this earth to validate me or meet my emotional needs. All that is between me and my God." 

   Runkel calls the God of the Hebrew Bible the original ScreamFree parent because He allows us free choice, is slow to anger and abides in steadfast love."
What better way to parent than in His image?

   (You can see Runkel on WXIA today at noon or visit www.ScreamFree.com  for seminar schedules and general information.) 

NOTE: ScreamFree is a trademark, spelled exactly this way.


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