Over Coffee

July 29, 2005

   The Atlanta Journal-Constitution had a feature in the July 23rd edition about what     to do with all this rainwater. Clogged and misdirected gutters are the culprits in many homeowners’ water woes, that and the little known fact that some home builders still do not know the cardinal rule of Physics 101: Water runs downhill! I am experiencing one of those gutter water woes as we speak, and thought to pass along my hard-learned and expensive lesson. 

   We had one of those pricey architectural shingle roofs installed ten years ago. Six years ago we replaced all of our gutters, using a reputable firm that is now gone with the wind. This week we are replacing a corner of our house because we got roof rot where the second floor gutter exits onto a first floor roof, several feet from the actual roofline gutter trough. 

   This guilty gutter downspout SHOULD HAVE extended a few feet further down to empty directly into the first floor gutter trough at the edge of the roofline. We asked the roofing representative why the roof did not withstand this deluge point; it was supposed to be the top of the line product. The roofing company representative did not know. The best guess anybody can make is that for a brief moment when the deluge is happening the water puddles when it hits the roof just long enough to cause the problem. We’ll need to ask a Georgia Tech engineer for a definitive answer, I suppose.

   We took a small tour around the neighborhood just to see what the neighbors’ gutters looked like on this “second floor-to-first floor roof” point. Almost all of them have the same faulty design as ours. Only about four of the homes we saw had handled this particular gutter problem correctly.

   So there you have it, folks. You might want to check to see what you’ve got. 

***

   My friends, who let belly buttons in the workplace? I missed the announcement that they had officially been added to “business attire.” Did we vote on this? Who was the tasteless person who decided belly buttons needed to be seen while one was at work?

   First thing, please understand that I have nothing against belly buttons, nothing at all. Everybody has one, no exceptions. I think my Labrador retriever has one. When my sons were little boys they became fascinated by whether one’s belly button was an innie or an outie. Our trips to the beach helped them with their research on this subject. Fortunately, that embarrassing phase did not last too long! 

   When my boys were born many, many years ago, we had a live-in baby nurse to help me, in the old Southern tradition, one that is now pretty much defunct and gone from what I can tell. Nobody has enough help any more, particularly when newborns arrive. According to our Irene, who had attended hundreds of baby cases in her long career, an innie was the preferred situation of that small body part and she was ready with a bellyband in case she suspected the belly button of her tiny patient might turn into a protruding outie. A bellyband was a soft elastic cloth that wrapped around the baby’s tummy. I have no idea if they really worked or not, but old midwives had a solution for absolutely every single thing. It was quite comforting, actually. 

   Belly buttons are normally not seen in people’s daily backings and forthings to work and to shop and so on. Belly buttons are normally only seen publicly where folks are wearing garb for swimming or an exercise workout. That sounds reasonable enough, doesn’t it? Okay, I was standing in line at a SunTrust Bank branch that I occasionally use, standing quite a while actually, so I had plenty of time to observe the surroundings. I noticed that the branch manager was wearing a shrink top that was having trouble meeting the waistband of her slacks. She was treating us all to the sight of her 40-year-old belly button. Well, yucko.

   SunTrust Bank must not have any employee dress guidelines whatsoever. But wait. Not three days later I was in one of the local Pike Family Nursery locations. The little valley girl employee that was at the register checking customers out had on a very small red Pike shirt and such low-rider hooker shorts that her tummy button was staring at me, the old “one eye.” Two belly buttons in one week are two too many, my friends. When did “appropriate apparel” vanish? Who let belly buttons into the workplace anyway? I’m not talking about pole dancers here; I am talking about regular employees in regular businesses. It appears to be obvious that some employees do not have any sense at all about what constitutes appropriate work apparel and need to be told. Employers, please tell them! 

   Remember years ago businesses found out to their disgust that to some of their employees, “casual day” meant wearing tacky car wash clothes to work. That problem presented yet another colossal headache of its own, so many of those businesses have gone back to business attire all week, which is probably a good thing. Now, though, you see women in outfits that look like nightgowns.

***

   Please remember to keep your pets cool in this heat and well supplied with fresh drinking water. Above all, don’t leave your dog in a hot car with the window down an airless inch. Your car will be an oven in less than eight minutes. Visit this Web site for more information on that. http://www.helpinganimals.com/a-hotcar.html 

   Hope all is well and thanks for reading.

072905

Archives