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Behind every country star
is a good soda wrangler
As I mentioned several weeks ago, I was
invited to participate in a music video by country
singer Adam Marshall, whose single “Cowboy Hat”
was released last week. Though I haven’t actually
seen the finished video yet, I can tell you the
music is great, that everyone in it is attractive,
and they can all dance really well. Which is why I
can say, with some certainty, I am not in the final
cut.
Yes, I was wearing a cowboy hat and
boots.
Yes, I met Adam Marshall.
And yes, I did get so nervous dancing
with a “Coyote Ugly” girl that I forgot things
like my name, and how to utilize my central nervous
system. In my own defense, I didn’t realize
“Coyote Ugly” was a euphemism for someone at a
singles bar who is highly attractive; at least not
until I stepped forward to meet my dance partner and
politely introduced myself as “Wowwy.”
That was pretty much the extent of our
small talk, which there is a lot of during a video
shoot. That’s because for every minute the cameras
were rolling, there was at least an hour of
preparation time for things like make-up, lighting,
sound checks, and administering first-aid to my
dance partner. However, the majority of our
preparation time was spent on “blocking,” which
is when the director decides where the “Talent”
will be in each shot. As it turned out, the director
involved me in this crucial decision-making process
several times, often by suggesting, “Someone
please move Ned, he’s blocking the Talent
again.”
On the second day of shooting, after recognizing my
inability to dance, act, or form a complete sentence
in the presence of any “Coyote Ugly” girls, Adam
took me aside. We discussed how I could contribute
to his video in ways more suited to my particular
talents. After a long discussion, we determined this
would be by holding his soda between takes. I
excelled at this and quickly became known to
crewmembers as “Adam’s Soda Guy.” This was
much better than my previous titles, “Who Is This
Guy,” “She Won’t Dance With This Guy,” and
“Someone Please Hog-Tie This Guy.”
In addition to the instant prestige I
gained, there were also a lot of perks in being
Adam’s personal “soda wrangler.” For example,
using my authority to skip to the front of the
beverage line whenever I said, “Adam needs a
soda.” This worked even after they took my bull
horn away, and I was forced to make my announcement
through a rolled-up issue of Country Weekly. I also
insisted on wearing a walkie-talkie so that if we
were separated, I could still meet Adam’s beverage
consumption needs by contacting him on a regular
basis. This turned out to be a good idea since,
coincidentally, we were separated more and more as
the day went on. In fact, there was a frightening
two-hour period where we had no contact at all.
Fortunately, everything was OK and, according to his
producer, Adam had simply misplaced his
walkie-talkie after throwing it into a nearby lake.
Adam later explained to me that it had nothing to do
with being annoyed, and that he was simply
demonstrating to a crewmember how, as a Marine, he
had been taught to lob a grenade.
After two days of watching Adam
serenade the camera with his song “Cowboy Hat,”
I suddenly realized there’s really only one thing
keeping my own dream of being a country music star
from coming true:
A complete lack of talent.
Which isn’t to say my dream of
country stardom is completely out of reach. Who
knows? There’s always a chance I could make it to
the stage of the Grand Ole Opry.
Even if it is just to bring Adam a soda.
I’ll keep my walkie-talkie handy, just in
case.
(I’d like to thank Adam Marshall and his producer,
Steven Rotan, for being such gracious hosts and good
sports. To check out the video "Cowboy
Hat" online, go to www.adammarshallmusic.com,
or watch for it later this month on your favorite
country music cable channel.)
041805
Ned
Hickson is a member of the National Society of
Newspaper Columnists, and an award-winning humor
columnist for the Siuslaw News in Florence, Oregon.
His weekly column appears throughout the Northwest,
as well as in Michigan, Connecticut, Georgia,
Tennessee and Alabama. He lives on the coast with
his wife, two children, and entirely too many
seagulls.
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