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Depending on your ear lobes, you could be a sloucher
Hey, straighten up because this is National Good Posture Month!
I discovered this, of course, while slouched so far over my computer keyboard that the curvature of my spine resembled a bell graph. On the screen was the news headline "Are You a Sloucher?" and a warning from the American Chiropractic Association explaining that, aside from alcohol and the invention of the reclinable chair, slouching is THE leading cause of bad posture in America - and the main reason why taverns have stools instead of La-Z-Boys.
According to the ACA, bad posture is most prevalent when we are standing, sitting or lying down. On behalf of the ACA, I urge you to stop doing these things immediately! It may sound tough, but it can be done through sheer determination, planning, and the purchase of a $300,000 anti-gravity chamber.
Unfortunately, for many of us, the anti-gravity chamber isn't really an option. This is because 1) our fear of confined spaces is greater than our fear of slouching, and 2) sheer determination and planning has left us with less than $30 in our bank account.
This means finding other, less expensive options when it comes to improving posture. The first step in this process is to determine if we actually HAVE bad posture. To do this, the ACA suggests having someone - such as a co-worker who doesn't mind losing their job - watch you throughout the day to see if the center of your ear stays over the center of your shoulders as you work. Studies show that, for every inch your ear extends beyond the center of your shoulders, it takes 10 percent more effort for neck muscles to support the head.
I should also mention that, for every hour your friend spends staring at your ear lobes, the more uncomfortable you're going to feel the next time you two get together for a beer.
If, after the experiment, you determine that you are, indeed, a sloucher, then the next step is to begin practicing better posture habits. One of the easiest ways to do this is to have your newly- unemployed co-worker follow you around with a bullhorn yelling, "straighten up, sloucher!" This is not only an effective way to ensure good posture for yourself, it's also a good anger-management tool for your friend between job interviews. However, while this is an effective option, it can also be a really annoying one, especially if you're caught slouching in a high-profile place - such as the men' room at a hockey game. If that happens, trust me: Bad posture will be the least of your problems.
Finally, as we enter into National Good Posture Month, remember to keep your back straight, your chin up, and your ears toward the center of your shoulders. Let me know how it goes.
I'll be the one with the bullhorn.
092004
Archives
Ned
Hickson is a member of the National Society of
Newspaper Columnists, and an award-winning humor
columnist for the Siuslaw News in Florence, Oregon.
His weekly column appears throughout the Northwest,
as well as in Michigan, Connecticut, Georgia,
Tennessee and Alabama. He lives on the coast with
his wife, two children, and entirely too many
seagulls.
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