|
: Like football? Like super models?
You better like sleeping on the couch
Men everywhere are preparing for the Super Bowl. They are finalizing their list of snack foods. They are brushing up on Super Bowl trivia. And, most importantly, they are trying to come up with a reasonable answer to the following question:
Why are there 14 half-naked super models tackling each other on TV?
This question will come up at halftime.
It will be posed by wives everywhere.
And, depending on the answer, it could result in a full-body tackle over the sofa.
I'm talking of course about the Lingerie Bowl, a pay-per-view halftime show being offered by Horizon Entertainment. In the advertising world, this is known as a "high concept" idea, meaning that, thanks to whatever the ad designers were smoking at the time, they came up with an idea that a "target audience" can quickly connect with on a personal level.
To demonstrate, I will now-without warning-grab a fellow journalist who is also a member of the target audience for the Lingerie Bowl.
To be more specific, a living male.
He has no idea what I am about to tell him.
In fact, he actually looks a little freaked out.
All the better to make my point.
Okay. He is now demanding that I leave his cubicle, meaning it's time to pitch my "high concept" idea, which I will explain as concisely as possible:
Super models playing tackle football in their underwear.
And what-La!
Total elapsed "personal connection" time:
Minus-three seconds.
How is this possible?
Scientifically speaking, we are both males. Therefore, any thought that includes either super models or football is capable of stopping time. Combine the two, and you can actually break the space-time continuum.
Which is bad.
However, as a responsible journalist, I do feel something needs to be said in defense of these hard-working and incredibly fit female athletes. Especially since, as a husband, I plan to keep my mouth shut.
...Okay, now that my wife has left for work, I'll admit that I've spent a little time researching the two Lingerie Bowl teams.
Fine-a lot of time.
So much time, in fact, that I don't even know who's playing in this year's Super Bowl.
That doesn't make me any less of a man. Which is why, as a man, I can tell you the two teams competing in the Lingerie Bowl are Team Euphoria and Team Dream.
Say what you will about this being just tasteless exploitation; it requires a tremendous amount of athleticism to get into one of those outfits. If NFL players had to compete in those same outfits-
Well, the entire game would be shot from the Goodyear blimp.
But, more importantly, I seriously doubt anyone would be enthusiastic about playing center. And if they were, good luck finding a quarterback.
My point is, regardless of how you feel about scantily clad super models tackling each other on the football field...
I'm sorry.
Does anyone know the time?
012404
Ned
Hickson is a member of the National Society of
Newspaper Columnists, and an award-winning humor
columnist for the Siuslaw News in Florence, Oregon.
His weekly column appears throughout the Northwest,
as well as in Michigan, Connecticut, Georgia,
Tennessee and Alabama. He lives on the coast with
his wife, two children, and entirely too many
seagulls.
Archive
|
