Second-Parent Adoption by Same-Sex Parents

by Noel Preston, M.D.

    The American Academy of Pediatrics released a statement last year on “Co-parent or Second-Parent Adoption by Same Sex Parents.” The statement, controversial in its own right, received wide media attention. Its accompanying Technical Report was barely noticed. The Technical Report is better written, more persuasive, more informative and less afflicted with politically correct gender-neutral, so called “non-sexist” language that the statement itself.
   The statement said the A.A.P. “supports legislative/legal efforts to provide the possibility of adoption of the child be the second parent or co-parent” in same-sex relationships to give these children “the same permanence and security” as children living in conventional families. It takes several readings of the statement to recognize that it neither endorses nor approves same-sex relationships. It does not advocate same-sex coupes being able to adopt a non-genetically related child. It attempts, wretchedly, to address the legal rights of the child that is either born to or adopted or fathered by one member of a same-sex couple.
   I believe the normal condition for children is to have two parents of opposite sex who love each other and love their children. But sometimes the normal is unattainable. Sometimes one or both parents die. Sometimes they divorce. Sometimes parents don’t die or divorce and they continue living together, but instead of love, there is argument, indifference, scorn, ridicule, and never-ending tension. This unhappy situation is not good for anyone and is especially bad for the child.
   And so reality enters the picture:

(1.)  Most children with a lesbian or gay parent were conceived in a heterosexual relationship. When one or both parents “come out” as homosexual, the parents either continue to live together or they divorce. If they separate, either one might be the residential parent or the child might live part time with each parent. The gay parent might remain single or have a same-sex partner who might develop a step-parent relationship with the child.

(2.)  Lesbians and gay men are increasingly becoming parents on their own or within a same-sex relationshop. Lesbians might conceive by artificial insemination. Growing numbers of gay men are fathering children, either with the help of a surrogate mother or by agreeing to co-parent with a single woman or lesbian couple.

(3.)  When a lesbian or gay man becomes a parent, the law endows the biologic parent with parental rights, but not the parent’s same-sex partner.

(4.)   Several studies have compared children of lesbian mothers with children of heterosexual mothers. These studies found no differences regarding gender identity, cross-dressing, social roles, sexual orientation, self-esteem, behavioral problems, academic success, or warmth and quality of family relationships.

(5.)   Adolescent self-esteem is higher in those whose mothers (of any sexual orientation) entered a new partnered relationship after divorce, compared with those whose mothers remained single.

   Several decades of research studies have shown that children of parents (of any sexual orientation) who have divorced are better adjusted when parents have high self-esteem, maintain a responsible and respectful relationship with each other, and are currently living with a partner.
   After all of this, what exactly does the A.A.P. recommend? It asks pediatricians to “support the right of every child and family to the financial, psychological, and legal security that results from having legally recognized parents who are committed to each other and to the welfare of their children.” 

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E. Noel Preston, M.D. is a pediatrician in solo practice in Peachtree Corners. 6063 Peachtree Parkway, Suite 202-A, Norcross. (770) 448-1553.

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