Having a Senior Moment

   Either I live in denial or I'm a slow learner, but somehow I managed to get nearly a full year into my golden years without realizing I'm eligible for senior discounts.
   I was always aware of the discounts. When my kids were toddlers, I shopped at Kroger every Wednesday-Senior Day- because that was my mother's morning out. I loved the silver-haired gentlemen who offered me coffee at the door and even flirted with me a little. As I strolled through the aisles, big band music brought back memories of my toddlerhood. Wow, I thought, all these old people here used to dance to those tunes.
   As my kids grew older, my schedule loosened up and I broke out of my Wednesday routine. But now when I shop at Kroger on Wednesday, those elderly gentlemen are no longer flirting at the door. Probably some young person complained that flirting is a form of sexual harassment. But what really grabs me is that they now play music from the 60's . What I danced to! But still, it never sank in that I might be eligible for the 5% discount.
   One day after church my husband and I went out for brunch with our friends Armin and Katie Windmueller. 
   "Let's go to IHOP," Armin said. "They have senior citizen specials."
   "Nice for the rest of you," I said, "but I'm not that old yet."
   Even though the waitress assured me I qualified, I preferred to project a youthful image by ordering blueberry pancakes and cream and let them eat from the old folks' menu. 
   The next morning I met Sandy, my merchandising supervisor, for coffee at Gwinnett Place. As we stood in line at a fast food restaurant, I told her about my experience at IHOP. The young man behind the counter overheard me. "We give free coffee to seniors," he said.
   Sandy jumped on it. "This cuts corners on my expense account," she said, not seeming to care that I still wasn't with the program.
   A few weeks ago, I saw some vases without price tags at Goodwill. When I asked the cashier about them, she said they were a dollar each. 
   "For that, I can buy them new at the dollar store," I said.
   "This is Tuesday, Senior Citizen's day. You get 25% off." 
   "You're offering me the discount without even asking for ID?" 
   "Don't need to. Wanna buy em?"
   OK. I surrendered. I'm not young and foolish enough to pass up a bargain, so I bought them. And I was bluffing about the dollar store anyway.
   The next day, I told my friend John Yale about my official passage into senior citizenship.
   "Yeah,' he said, "I was just joking with my dad that he now has a son who's a senior citizen. We can go out on the town together double-dipping on all the senior discounts."
   Uh-uh. I ain't never getting that old.

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