"Life is a funny place"...?

November 21, 2003  Hold on to your giblets! It's time to prepare that very first Thanksgiving turkey

December 3, 2003  Accompaniments for deep-fried turkey should include a fire extinguisher and defibrillator

December 10, 2003 Apes with pepper spray-just one sign that 
holiday shopping season is upon us

December 17, 2003 Men: To help your wives avoid jail time, go now and return those stupid gifts you got them

December 26, 2003 Well soak my peas and call me Piggly-Wiggly: It's New Year's Day in the South

January 13, 2004 Say what you want, but fruitcake could be our last defense against alien invaders

January 16, 2004 Open contempt for those in better shape is the first step to a healthier you

January 21, 2004 The people have spoken!  The world is full of fruitcakes

January 24, 2004 Like football? Like super models? You better like sleeping on the couch

February 4, 2004 Nothing says ‘I love you’ like putting out a flaming chicken thigh for your Valentine 

February 11, 2004 There's no shame in admitting that you haven't seen Janet Jackson's breast

February 16, 2004 Cold snap puts deep-freeze on taking out the trash in your underwear

February 23, 2004 Your space adventure awaits!  And mine will just have to keep waiting

March 1, 2004 Technology is great. 

March 8, 2004 Public rest room etiquette can be difficult under the watchful eye of a commode 

March 15, 2004 Surgeon General’s warning: Eat healthy, lose weight, or fight a mountain lion 

March 22, 2004 Don’t worry—tougher tax laws will still allow you to depreciate your ostrich 

April 5, 2004 The truth is, you can’t learn to swim with one hand on your woggle 

April 12, 2004 Thankfully, most men will never have to butcher a cow while wearing high heels

April 19, 2004 Pack your bags, it’s time to get the dog neutered 

April 26, 2004 Save water - fix that leaky light switch

May 3, 2004 Attach a vacuum nozzle to your mammilla to show Mom you really care 

May 10, 2004 Nowadays, the womb is no place for slackers

May 17, 2004 Only real men can iron clothes at 3,000 feet 

May 24, 2004 If you want to golf with me, wear a hard hat 

June 1, 2004 Graduates: Your old bedroom may already be a new hot tub 

June 7, 2004 Spice up your wedding with a plague of locust 

June 21, 2004 Science links America's obesity problem to fat, lazy microbes

June 28, 2004 Fireworks restrictions take excitement out of having facial hair

July 5, 2004 When making a serious medical decision, never talk to a man 

July 12, 2004 Choosing colors with your spouse? Start with neutral corners

July 26, 2004 ‘Bathroom rage’ could soon be clogging court system

August 2, 2004 Snoring is sure sign of a seasoned journalist 

August 9, 2004 Computer acting up? Back-hand it with an antistatic wrist strap
August 16, 2004 Another summer Olympics, and still no elephant polo

August 23, 2004 Falling into a tuba is no excuse to miss your class reunion

August 30, 2004 Going down to the AP wire against Ted Koppel 

September 6, 2004 Florence, Oregon: Nation’s best spot for retirement, exploding whales 

September 13, 2004 Outlook for the future of education? Just Pee-Chee 

September 20, 2004 Depending on your ear lobes, you could be a sloucher

September 27, 2004 First step to good golfing: Get a grip

October 4, 2004 Setting things straight with the American Chiropractic Association 

October 11, 2004 Is your insurance premium up? You can thank my clumsy dog 

October 18, 2004 Bond with your child; dress her as a mushroom this Halloween 

October 25, 2004 For flu sufferers, things are about to get messy

November 2, 2004 Strengthen your marriage with the help of a legless frog

November 8, 2004 Nose whistling is heart and soul of any relationship

November 15, 2004 Mankind threatened by decomposing pumpkins

November 22, 2004 Create lasting memories with traumatic family portraits

November 29, 2004 Consumers can rest easy, thanks to Mr. Knowitall 

December 6, 2004 Angry fans diffused by Kobe Bryant sock puppet 

December 13, 2004 Santa Summit prompts Greenland 'No-Fly Zone'

December 20, 2004 Still looking for that special gift? These products won’t help 

December 27, 2004 Okay, maybe fruitcake doesn't threaten humanity

January 6, 2005 Don't forget about the cat when taking down the Christmas tree

January 10, 2005 Be safe: Avoid Jessica Simpson during a lightning storm

January 17, 2005 Before flushing remote-controlled toilet, duck behind inflatable sofa 

January 24, 2005 Coaching kids? Earn their trust with jelly donuts 

January 31, 2005 Full-contact bowling could get more men to yell at their TVs 

February 7, 2005 Men: If you forget Valentine's Day, you'll need a good plumber 

February 14, 2005 Robo-rats mark a brave new world in pest control

February 21, 2005 Shooting a country music video? Avoid the Black-Eyed Four-Step 

February 28, 2005 Never had food poisoning? Thank a humor columnist 

March 7, 2005 Universe makes push-starting your car a lot harder

March 21, 2005 The Easter Bunny is still getting help from fathers in boxer shorts

April 11, 2005 Like a hot breakfast? Try a flaming Pop Tart 

April 18, 2005 Behind every country star is a good soda wrangler 

April 25, 2005 Cold medicine: The key to true introspection

May 2, 2005 Motherly insight starts with a jalapeno 

May 10, 2005 Need more space? Try a home along the gravity belt 

May 16, 2005 Potty train like a Jedi and avoid the ‘dark side’ 

May 23, 2005 Summer officially starts once you’ve mowed your hibachi 

May 27, 2005 - Camping tip: Don’t get attacked by your tent

June 13, 2005 Graduates: Don’t take that first step without rollerblades

June 13, 2005 Mineral water makes CSI: Ashland hard to swallow

June 20, 2005 Looking for excitement? Try feeding your arm to a catfish

June 27, 2005 Being Canadian for a day could lead to a strained Molson muscle

July 4, 2005 Killer asteroids are less threatening when painted fuchsia

July 11, 2005 New trend in grad gifts has parents going for bust

July 18, 2005 Excuse me, can I show you my blog?

July 25, 2005   Parents: Lung capacity key when choosing inflatable toy

August 1, 2005 Forget meteors. Giant rabbits world’s greatest threat

August 8, 2005 Call me if your name is Larry; we’ve got a bad connection

August 15, 2005   The bigger the freezer, the bigger the avalanches

August 22, 2005 Germ-fighting underwear next step toward peace in Middle East

August 29, 2005 Some who wander are just looking for their car

September 5, 2005 Flaming Pop-Tarts, pets wearing boxer shorts means it’s back-to-school time

September 12, 2005 Dating at an 'Oxygen bar' could lead to heavy breathing

September 19, 2005 Larger-brained humans will only lead to big heads

September 26, 2005 The best part of waking up is civet droppings in your cup

October 3, 2005 Take it from me: You can’t run from static electricity

October 10, 2005 Called for jury duty? Bring your tinfoil hat

October 17, 2005 Every Monday should start with a comatose computer

October 24, 2005 No pumpkin-carving experience is complete without a near-fatal knife wound

October 31, 2005 Unless you are taking it with you, never sit in a kindergartner’s chair

November 7, 2005 My greatest childhood fear? Being bitten by a radioactive moth 

November 14, 2005 Let's keep American literature out of cage fighting 

November 21, 2005 Evidence links nacho-flavored Doritos and crazed squirrels

November 28, 2005 Men: Choosing your wife’s gift may be the last thing you ever do

December 5, 2005 Men are from NAPA, women are from Macy's 

December 12, 2005 What says ‘thirsty’ better than a sweaty humor columnist?

December 19, 2005 Santa Summit prompts Greenland ‘No-Fly Zone’

December 26, 2005 If at first you don’t succeed, I’ll meet you at Customer Service

January 2, 2006 Resolutions are best kept by using permanent ink

January 9, 2006 Somewhere, there’s a Soviet satellite hurtling toward my TV

January 16, 2006 Getting older: It’s a slippery slope down a falling ladder

January 23, 2006 Join us for in-depth Olympic coverage live from Utah

January 30, 2006 Like speed skating, our Olympic preview continues because we can’t stop

February 6, 2006 Let the games begin! (Before we get sued)

February 13, 2006 Age can be relative with the help of an all-beef patty

February 20, 2006 Anti-snoring devices leave many too scared to sleep

February 27, 2006 Time to mow again? Learn CPR first

March 6, 2006 Family road trip? Make your reservations (at the mental institute) early 

March 13, 2006 Navigating through heavy traffic means being in the right hemisphere

March 20, 2006 At a newspaper, every roll is crucial

March 27, 2006 Broadcasting in the nude seen as too cheeky

April 2, 2006 Tax time means finding a way 
to claim that inflatable whale

April 10, 2006 Loosen up with the help of bio-engineered yogurt

April 17, 2006 Your home’s underbelly is no place to be manly

April 24, 2006 Avoid any monkey with a pet Chihuahua

May 1, 2006 Cell phones, volleyball-playing super models linked to short-term blindness in men

May 8, 2006 Attach a vacuum nozzle to your mammilla to show Mom you care

May 15, 2006 If the jeans fit, wear them. At least until your legs go numb

May 22, 2006 Apparently, going ape for girls starts early

May 27, 2006 Impress your date: Freak out on a carnival ride

June 5, 2006 A man’s guide to romantic cuisine: Insert beer can into chicken cavity

June 12, 2006 Without question, I put the ‘A’ in ‘jock strap’

June 19, 2006 Warning: Do not cover face with newspaper while driving

June 26, 2006 Angry? Don’t beat yourself up over it

JULY 3, 2006 Softball is to Me as train wreck is to, well... me

July 10, 2006 Having a hot time in Texas — until I’m extinguished

July 17, 2006 All cultures agree on the world’s worst smell—except for New Jersey

July 24, 2006 - When looking ahead, look no further than your behind

July 31, 2006 Insuring your buttocks could require a big premium

August 7, 2006 Somewhere in Atlanta is a landscaper without gas

August 14, 2006 First step to good golfing: Get a grip

August 21, 2006 Before flushing remote-controlled toilet, duck behind inflatab le sofa

August 28, 2006 Taking time for a moment of pause

September 5, 2006 Screaming children, 50-foot imaginary snake: Welcome to Uncle Ned’s day care

September 11, 2006 Nowadays, the womb is no place for slackers

September 18, 2006 Cosmetic surgery—boldly going where no one in their right mind has gone before

September 25, 2006 Pets in boxer shorts means it’s back-to-school time

October 3, 2006 Surgery is made safer when patients come with instructions

October 9, 2006 Students: Pass the time by comparing SAT scores with ‘Mr. Sizzles’

October 16, 2006 Self-aware leftovers is a sure sign of trouble

October 23, 2006 Geographically speaking, I have no idea what I’m talking about

October 30, 2006 Bond with your child this Halloween; dress them as a Portobello mushroom

November 6, 2006 A jury of your peers could include a dead cockapoo

November 13, 2006 Don’t panic, it’s just your toilet paper getting smaller

November 20, 2006 Always call for back-up when talking turkey

November 27, 2006 Apes with pepper spray—just one sign that holiday shopping season is upon us

December 6, 2006 Male defense against shopping linked to tryptophan reserves

December 11, 2006 Your decomposing pumpkin could threaten mankind

December 18, 2006 Still looking for that special gift? Well, these products aren’t going to help

January 2, 2007 Don’t forget the cat when taking down the Christmas tree

January 8, 2007 Open contempt for those in better shape is the first step to a healthier you

January 16, 2007 Like football? Like super models? Then I hope you like sleeping on the couch

January 22, 2007 Laughing at cows can be dangerous, especially when playing bingo

January 29, 2007 Full-contact bowling could get more men to yell at their TVs 

February 5, 2007 Health of open-minded Europeans linked to meat fungus

February 12, 2007 Fewer viewers means Oscars need to get more ‘jiggy’

February 19, 2007 Don't panic! The IRS will still let you depreciate your ostrich 

February 26, 2007 The bigger your lips, the sexier you’ll be when dating a sucker fish

March 5, 2007 Sadly, flatulence no longer has a place at the airport

March 12, 2007 Only real men can iron clothes at 3,000 feet

March 26, 2007 Your investments are safe, thanks to me and other financial dunderheads

April 2, 2007 The Easter Bunny is still getting help from fathers in boxer shorts

April 9, 2007 Going down to the AP Wire against Katie Couric 

April 16, 2007 No Pulitzer for me, thanks to a crazed fly

April 23, 2007 Geckos lead to stickier tape—and maybe a new action movie for Bruce Willis

May 1, 2007 Life can be traumatic, so sue someone

May 8, 2007 Attach a vacuum nozzle to your mammilla to show Mom you care

May 14, 2007 Some moments belong to our sons and daughters

May 21, 2007 Impress your date: Freak out on a carnival ride

May 28, 2007 Before deciding it’s art, ask the janitor if it’s his mop bucket

June 4, 2007 Now that you’re graduating, YOU can find a place for that 70-pound ceramic pterodactyl

June 13, 2007 Cosmetic surgery: Boldly going where no one in their right mind has gone before

June 18, 2007 Newest cell phone feature is so hot you may need a fire extinguisher—Really

June 25, 2007 Insurance premium up? Thank my clumsy dog

July 2, 2007 A man’s guide to romantic cuisine — Step one: Insert beer into chicken cavity

July 9, 2007 Your space adventure awaits! And mine will just have to keep waiting

July 16, 2007 Through hypnosis, you can become a better golfer—unless you think you’re a chicken

July 24, 2007 Forget meteors — Giant rabbits world’s biggest threat

July 30, 2007 When it comes to looking ahead, look no further than your behind

August 6, 2007 Create lasting memories with traumatic family portraits

August 21, 2007 Every Monday should start with a comatose computer

August 27, 2007 Outlook for the future of education? Just Pee-Chee

September 4, 2007 Parents: Lung capacity key when choosing inflatable toy

September 10, 2007 Saying goodbye from the Sports desk

September 17, 2007 ‘Bathroom Rage’ could soon be clogging our court system

September 24, 2007 Don’t use fake tanning lotion; try it on someone else first

October 1, 2007 Universe makes push-starting your car that much harder

October 8, 2007 For flu sufferers, things are about to get messy

October 15, 2007 Male pattern baldness doesn’t include your nose

October 22, 2007 Something to sneeze at

November 8, 2007 Apparently, going ape for girls starts early

November 12, 2007 Be careful when choosing a topic — especially if it’s your nose

November  19, 2007 It’s time separate Thanksgiving fact from fiction with the help of Mr. Knowitall

November 26, 2007 If you’re going to propose, stay away from garlic pizza

December 3, 2007 Men are from NAPA, women are from Macy’s

December 10, 2007 Putting on weight over the holidays? Blame it on fat, lazy microbes

December 17, 2007 Accompaniments for deep-fried turkey should include a fire extinguisher

December 24, 2007 Okay, maybe fruitcake doesn’t threaten humanity

January 2, 2008 Like football? Like super models? I hope you like sleeping on the couch

January 7, 2008 Don’t forget the cat when taking down the Christmas tree

January 14, 2008 Loosen up with the help of bio-engineered yogurt

January 28, 2008 Frozen lima beans: The gift that keeps on gagging

February 4, 2008 Full-contact bowling could get more men to yell at their TVs

February 11, 2008 Planning your wedding? Register for duct tape

February 18, 2008 Computer acting up? Back-hand it with an antistatic wrist strap

February 25, 2008 If your name is Larry, call me;  we’ve got a bad connection

March 3, 2008 Green-glowing mice can help cats with night blindness